2009/12/07
2009/12/03
2009/11/24
2009/11/21
2009/11/16
2009/09/27
2009/09/15
2009/08/28
dinner for two
me and mom
simple and delish
from seven to nine
slaving in the kitchen
to make the eel dish
for someone else's tomorrow night party
cant wait
(you really dont know
what im waiting for)
2. as soon as i walk out
into the crowded streets
toxication is there
its not in the air
its in the people
3. i wish
i could do something
to erase
those three times
from my life
forever
4. "why dont you
find someone
to fill in
the moments?"
so asked some
older but no wiser jane
"my moments are
too precious
to waste
with someone unworthy"
5. do expect
no sweet words
from my dirty mouth
i keep it shut
but please remember
to be kind enough
to not enrage me
2009/08/09
2009/08/01
2009/07/25
2009/07/19
2009/07/14
2009/07/13
2009/07/04
2009/06/24

2009/06/23
2009/06/16

2009/06/15
2009/06/12
ok.
since when have i learned to refrain myself from writing when i feel like it? or maybe its just that i lack time.
since when have i learned to keep myself emotionally in check while all along i could have willingly entrapped and ruptured myself into yet another mental breakdown? or maybe its just that i bore enough gains and losses by them.
since when have i started to discount everyones stories as i have no patience left for their dramatization, if not fabrication? or maybe its just that i am looking for something genuine, something that is able to truly touch the soul and glorify the mind.
(ngoài lề 01: nhớ có lần hồi cấp 2, thực ra cũng chỉ khoảng lớp 7, lớp 8 là cùng, có đứa phát biểu trong giờ văn một câu dư lày "không còn tình thì còn nghĩa" mình choáng nặng, bụng bảo dạ "con này được". giờ nghĩ lại, chắc quái gì nó đã thực sự hiểu nó nói cái gì hay chỉ là nói cho nó kêu).
and are they a good thing? in some way, yes. and in some way, no. but ultimately, i do believe changes are always for better.
2009/05/31
2009/05/28
2009/05/27
2009/05/15
2009/05/12
heres the multi-touch screen demoed by jeff han:
i know i might sound trite and frivolous with these "incredibly convenient", "exciting", and "cool" adjectives. but ultimately, i am also aware that this is not about the new "stuffs" but rather about the inspiration and the thrill that the new "stuffs" confer upon us.
also at nyt was this piece on how small-sized banks in the US are doing in this time of turmoil. reading the piece, i am temporarily yet inconsolably missing henniker and its nice, friendly people. other than that, im learning to appreciate beauty again. thanks to the internet in general, to ted in particular, and most of all to the habit of reading.
2. the ghost of the future chases me to the shadow of the past.
"Our house might be small yet elegant. My second favorite in the house would be the semi-sunroom-hallway that’d connect the two wooden staircases. There would be a day-bed there, with stacks of magazine at its feet, right next to the floor-to-ceiling glass wall which would be clothed by a pair of cream, see-through curtains. Your second favorite in the house would be the basement room where all your three or four [musical instruments] located. The basement room is sound-proof so you could freely practice with your band or give private lessons down here. Our favorite in the house would be the bedroom on the mezzanine. Low platform bed with down linen comforter and big pillows, soft lighting, wall-to-wall bookcase, walk-in closet. Our home was beautiful because the beauty was in us, in you and me that filled the place with love and life.”
that was me, five years ago. the passage was part of what turns out to be a self-pitying, neurotic, obssesive, and minutest 100-page-plus monologue. it might sound vaguely familiar to some while annoyingly cliché to others, but either way, bear with me here.
now that im looking for stuffs to fill in this behemoth of the new house, i cant help but wonder when i will be able to afford a place i can call my own. i will still have the low platform bed with down linen comforter and big pillows, the soft lighting, the wall-to-wall bookcase, and certainly the day-bed in the semi-sunroom-hallway. the only change here, i guess, is that its not longer "our house" but rather "my place". it will be a long and winding road to "my place" but once i get there, i wanna be there on my own for a while before giving it ("my place" - my life) up to someone. taking the blame, i now realize that after all these years, i eventually start making things for just me and myself.
last words: forward-thinking, though embraced, certainly doesnt help the longing sentiment ive already set aside for somewhere in the past.
2009/05/05
2009/05/04
Hoài Cảm được sáng tác khi tác giả Cung Tiến khoảng 14, 15 tuổi. có lẽ bài này cũng hơi bị cheesy so với tâm trạng mình những ngày này, nhưng càng nghe càng thấy nhớ... hạnh phúc nhiều khi chỉ đơn giản như thế thôi, nhỉ?
mình tự hỏi tại sao cuộc sống bây giờ đầy đủ hơn, cả tinh thần, thể chất, lẫn vật chất, thế mà việc sáng tác được một bài hát đẹp lại như một mission impossible.
______
...and all of a sudden, all the memories we had together just turned out to be so crystal clear as if they happened just yesterday when we were riding in the rain, when we were sitting by the Lake of the Returned Sword, sipping the late night green tea. and on a night like this, when the crowd is gone and im all alone, when the cappuccino is cold and so are my hands, when the cigarettes smoke all dissolves but the nicotine is spinning my head, when im exhausted but can hardly sleep, i miss you so much. i miss you terribly. i wish you could be by my side tonight, or maybe just an hour, maybe just a few minutes, so that i can touch you, feel you, so that i can lie down next to you, maybe rub my head against your chest...
i sigh and wonder when will i see you again?
Must have been love - Saturday April 22nd, 2006 - 01:15am (EDT)
2009/04/28
Từ độ xa Người
Mấy lần mưa biển
Ngọn đèn đung đưa
Vàng nơi thành phố
Mưa đằm thương nhớ
Ào ào xé nát riêng tư
Ngực trần biển mở
Rộng đến sững sờ...
(Mưa biển)
tôi thấy hai câu cuối đặc biệt gợi cảm. cũng dễ hiểu tại sao tôi lại cảm thấy như vậy.
ham muốn được đi về phía biển lại trỗi dậy. thèm như thế, và bồn chồn và lãng đãng như thế, từ hơn tháng nay, khi một tối dọn dẹp nhà cửa, tôi bắt gặp lại vài cái ảnh cũ chụp hồi còn ở hawaii. lại tiếp tục những bức ảnh ở đâu đó trên đất úc, nơi tôi chưa một lần đặt chân đến nhưng cũng đủ để khuấy động ham muốn cũ.
tôi đã lên kế hoạch - cụ thể đến từng chi tiết và quyết tâm bất chấp sự ơ hờ hay phản đối. rồi việc gia đình xen ngang. đành hẹn gặp vào một dịp khác. sẽ chỉ là delay, as in delayed gratification. bây giờ thì tạm thời sống nhờ nỗi nhớ vậy.
___________________
as i wandered aimlessly along the beach alone last night, things and things and things quickly filled up my mind the way the rising tides wait for no time sweeping deeper and deeper into the shore and driving us further and further aback.
maybe like an owl, i have always been drawn particularly to the night life with its secret, nocturnal activities more than to any daylight exposure. the nightly hoho town is insomniac, always restless and bustling. the night in h-town is (virtually) ice so cold it has time frozen. the night in k-town is like a country song, contemplating, melancholy yet serene and at peace.
late night on the beach is always different, always something else. it was not the quiet joy and admiration imbued by the blazing yellow, orange, or crimson of new englands autumnal leaves. nor was it the instant breathlessness and impotence empowered by the infinite snow-covered plains of mt. ashland.
late night on the beach is always different, always something else in a way that its a little bit of everything above. it never sleeps; the dashing waves have forever come and gone, tirelessly and unruffled by life. however the day is burning, the salty breeze from the sea brings chill into the night, reminding the necessity some light evening blouse. it is a lullaby audible in an unknown language; the sea to me is like tomas to teresa; if teresa dozed off by the whispered impromtu fairy tales or gibberish that tomas repeated monotously to her, i would be sleepwalking everytime the blurry white waves reaches the damp and soft shoreline. and the physical wetness of the waves cuddling over my feet sends some strange spiritual reassurance to every inch of my body; it was as if having someone so real, and truthful, and immovable wrapping his big, rough, strong arms around my shoulders.
the late night beach, after all, is all about the rhythm of life. as i wandered aimlessly, i thought of gurov and the lady with the pet dog. were they aware then that the river between them would be flowing into the sea, something that is so much fiercer and larger than life itself?
my thought was then disrupted as i heard desperado blowing in the wind from somewhere afar. the usual sad, tired, and world-weary vocal produced by the ealges was now sensationally encompassed by a sense of craze and finality captured by the husky, coarse, and so out-of-tunes voices of some drunken party animals. i was a loner. was born one and have always been that way. the circumstances that i have been into have only invariably accentuated that lifestyle of mine. given a choice, i would rather dine out alone, go to a movie on my own, or take a walk in the wood by myself rather than be in someone elses company. but back then, as i muttered to myself:
it's hard to tell the night time from the day
you're losing all your highs and lows
ain't it funny how the feeling goes
i craved for hard liquor and the company of those drunkers.
2009/04/25

nhìn Chúc Anh toe toét thế này cô thấy yêu quá cơ. đúng là bố Toàn đi làm/nhậu về mệt cũng vẫn hào hứng xắn tay áo vào thay bỉm với nựng nịu Chúc Anh chứ đố dám kêu ca gì.
cô mong Chúc Anh lớn hay bé cũng sẽ mãi như thế này. khi nào Chúc Anh lớn, cô sẽ cho Chúc Anh xem phim này và dạy Chúc Anh bài hát này nhé.
tên cháu là Đào Chúc Anh. bố mẹ Chúc Anh bận nên cô show hàng hộ. cô nói với bố Toàn là tên hay thì phải tận dụng triệt để chứ ai lại cứ Bông với mông là thế nào, nhỉ?
2009/04/20
paul aster - how i came to know the writer is another story but for now if his proses were a drink, they would be coffee. be they latte or mocha or plain old black coffee, doesnt matter as long as they are (1) hot so that you cant drink all in one take and (2) drunk when you are alone so that you have no one to talk to but yourself. your cup of coffee might be too strong or it might be too sweet with too much cream and sugar but either way, watch out, you dont want it on an empty stomach because you might get caffeine-intoxicated before you know it.
breakfast at tiffanys - the drink karma of this novella must be cosmopolitan. full of surprises (that was before every bar and even coffee shop in town starts to offer it), never lacking in taste (you can try pomegranate in place of cranberry), urbane, and chic. seriously, i find both chic từ cái tên chic đi.
east of eden is no doubt as refreshing as a glass of iced lemonade in a hot summer day. you sit back in the shade and savor the coolness as you look out at strangers passing through. freshly squeezed, it might taste slightly bitter at first but you know it is the combination of this coolness and this lingering flavor you can always count on once you are back out there in the sun. (note: if you are a die-hard cocktail lover, a mojito might do just as fine).
in the next life, lolita would probably be reincarnated into tequila. theres nothing like getting drunk with tequila - you feel like you are about to enter a land of the most exotic ectasy. in just the similar sensational, hypnotized and almost poetic manner, an acute reader gets lost since the very first words of the book:
lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. my sin, my soul. lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth...
tequila drunk straight without sangrita, without salt and lime - one cant just leave his caballito glass empty for too long. and lolita with masterful proses and "love as outrage and hallucination, madness and transformation" - one cant help turning the pages.
but my favorite book of all time - unbearable lightness of being - i still fail you. i will drink more and get back to you later.
the post is inspired by the small stack of my favorite books and an equally small glass of chivas regal 12. and oh yes, some breaking news.
2009/04/17
maybe its just another silly chick flick. but here are a few reasons why i didnt feel like wasting a significant portion of my beauty sleep watching the accidental husband at all:
1. it stars uma thurman. i have never stopped obsessing over her ever since kill bill vol. 01 and actually watched all of her movies ever since; be cool, prime, the producers, my super ex-girlfriend, the life before her eyes, you name it. and of course, how can i forget the classic pulp fiction?
2. it is set in new york city - one of the fashion capitals of the world. the movie involved some/a lot of scenes in queens so it didnt quite live up to my expectation the way the devil wears prada does. but still, i was in love with the purple bag that uma carried at one time.
3. it is about relationships. do i need to elaborate on this one? (why settle for a boyfriend when you can have a manfriend?)
4. its music score includes two songs by feist. whenever i listen to feist, or even just hear her name somewhere in the news, my thoughts ... (censored)
anyway, heres to the music.
clouds part
just to give us a little sun
...
2009/04/13
bài cũ:
Đồ ăn thức uống để dành cho ai
Nhà thiếu người nói lai rai
Mẹ thì chả biết mắng ai bây giờ
Chị Anh thì lại làm thơ
Bố thì cứ vẫn lơ mơ ra vào...
bài mới:
Ti thì to tướng, nách thường không lông
Phương toàn được chạy lông nhông
Quanh phải ở lại trông ông, trông bà
ghi chú: ông, bà được chia ở dạng số nhiều, bao gồm ông T. bà Th. và ông S. bà Q.
post này tớ cũng label là poetry như ai cho nó hoành tráng. lolz
2009/04/12
1. employment:
- B.A: trùng với past studies, quan trọng hơn là có passion (on the other hand, risk of disillusionment), pay ở mức chấp nhận được, cơ hội cho grad school rộng mở (time-wise and insiders info-wise) but might take 1-2 years.
- E.Y: trùng với past studies, start-up pay ở mức ok, will escalate after 1 yr, promising long term career path, big name and nếu time management tốt sẽ thu xếp được cho grad school apps.
- I.B: hơi hơi liên quan đến past studies (sẽ fải invest nhiều vào prep), pay is a big motivator, highly pro workplace, huge pressures, time constraint for grad school apps.
2. grad schools:
- govt. grants: endeavor (research or not research), ads (2-3 yrs wxp, public sector preferred), mba ir. aid (3 yrs wxp), nz. (wxp), em, si (more info required). absolutely NO vef, ford, fulbright.
- private grants: research or not research:
+ us: past mentality? hi, miami, nmsu
+ uk: lance
+ aus: ANU (i knew i love you before i met you), queensland, melbourne, macquerie (safety school)
haizzzza, all the high shots.
major pluses:
- strong academic record
major minuses:
- wxp
- thesis proposal/sop
on post-it:
- 700+ gmat
- 03 ref (prof. d, dr. o, vc by self)
______
đấy, nghĩ đê!!!!!
2009/04/11
...
màu thời gian không xanh
màu thời gian tím ngát
hương thời gian không nồng
hương thời gian thanh thanh
...
hay:
...
có lần tôi thấy một bà già
đưa tiễn con đi một chốn xa
tàu chạy lâu rồi bà vẫn đứng
lưng còng đổ bóng xuống sân ga
có lần tôi thấy một người đi
chẳng biết về đâu nghĩ ngợi gì
chân bước hững hờ theo bóng lẻ
một mình làm cả cuộc phân ly
...
một bên là sân ga, một bên là airport. nhưng nỗi niềm nào có khác gì nhau...
nhân tối đọc lại Thi nhân Việt Nam.
2009/04/08
uống nước mắm, ăn muối
sao bây giờ, tôi thấy ai cũng nhạt
nhạt một câu đùa, nhạt một đuôi mắt nheo
nhạt từng bài thơ, nhạt từng câu chữ
từng đôi môi, sợi tóc, ngón tay gầy
nhạt cả những ưu tư, nhạt cả trời nước mắt
nhạt tiếng đường khê rảo bước chân
...
thứ bảy
hà nội cuối tuần vẫn đông thế
phố nối phố
người vẫn nối người
chơ vơ ngã năm
la thăng và rê thứ
phải, trái, ngược, xuôi
rồi cũng sẽ trôi
...
2009/04/07
em ạ, sự tự tin quan trọng vô cùng. sau hai tiếng chị nói chuyện với em gần như không nghỉ về vô số những tips này tips khác, điều quan trọng nhất chị muốn em ghi nhớ chỉ đơn giản như vậy. với nhiều người, sự tự tin đến rất tự nhiên. nhưng lại có những người phải cố gắng nhiều hơn đôi chút. chị 15 tuổi đã rất lost và mất khá nhiều thời gian để tìm hiểu và tự dạy cho mình bài học này. ngay cả bây giờ, chị vẫn luôn ghi nhớ và nhắc nhở bản thân không được quên. chị mong em 15 tuổi sớm thuộc bài và trả bài thành công.
cho tôi hỏi những dẫy phố đi qua, những ngõ vắng đi qua, những gốc cây sấu già
cho tôi hỏi những vỉa hè mưa rơi, những ngả đường đông vui
có còn nhớ đến tôi?
cho tôi hỏi tháng tám nắng như mơ, lấp lánh đám mây xa, gió cuốn về phố lạ
cho tôi hỏi bãi cỏ dài ven đê, con thuyền ngoài xa kia
có nhìn thấy tôi trở về?
2009/04/04
as much as i love the clean and vibrant floral prints of the dress, i would have to think twice before bidding $142.50 and up for this vintage piece, even though the seller claimed it was made of silk.

this trench coat is sold at manhattan topshop for $190, which i think is quite a catch. if only i were there.

and one of the ultimate pleasures in a girls life: a pair of christian louboutin sandals priced at $895 at neiman marcus. if i remember correctly, this pair appeared in sex and the city.
and even without the non-help from victoriassecret or eluxury or neiman marcus, etc, my fantasy continues...
2009/04/02
1. the job rejection letter is lying in the draft folder, waiting to be sent. im not quite the "no" girl. but once in a blue moon, i guess, saying "no" can bring a mighty pleasure. even though, if i said yes, i would have had a sexy, charming, smart guy for a boss.
interviewer: do you like to ski?
Quanh Quanh: not quite. but may i ask why such a random question?
interviewer: oh, its just because i love to ski...
maybe, its not quite random as id like to think. after all, you went to harvard b-school, didnt you?
anyway, how the old song goes? pretty boys are everywhere, think of me and ill be there...
to make up for my saying "no" too much during the last week, i guess i will have to say "yes" to a few people now.
2. nhân một tối nhà mất mạng (tối qua) không được ai cứu net, mình lên giường từ 11h hơn. nghe đi nghe lại mấy câu hát này:
nhớ điều buồn, quên điều vui
mới nghe, tưởng chừng như là nghịch lý. điều buồn nhẽ ra cần phải quên đi, dù là cố gắng hay tự nhiên. điều vui nhẽ ra phải ghi giữ. vậy mà đây, lại ngược lại.
nhưng nằm mãi, nghe mãi, nghĩ mãi, mới ngộ ra, hình như phải thế cái Tâm mới thanh thản được.
nhớ điều buồn, để lần sau sẽ không bị nỗi buồn như thế ám ảnh.
quên điều vui, để mai này giữ niềm vui như thế vẫn được nguyên sơ.
cũng tương tự như thế, ở câu hát:
yêu một vạn người, như yêu một người thôi
cái "như" này không phải là sự lặp lại của hành động và (có thể dẫn đến) sự nhàm chán của cảm xúc và sự chai sạn của con tim. ngược lại, cái "như" này, gần thì là sự chân thành của con tim, xa thì là sự mở lòng của tâm hồn.
ngộ ra vậy, nhưng không biết là ngộ có đúng không ta?
update: as of 1:23am, today, april 03rd, i hit the "send" button. and it went through very fast.







